FOOD! Why must you taunt me?

It seems that while I am doing good on getting back to the workout groove, my eating habits are still sucking. Big time. I seem to have lost all self-control. Last week, I ate a box of Snickers ice cream bars all by myself. In two days. I should issue the disclaimer that I was pre-menstrual, but I think that's a pretty big cop-out - especially since I didn't stop there. I ate half a container of Bryer's Chocolate Chip ice cream as well. Plus half a bag of chocolate chips (just plain ol' semi-sweet chocolate chips.)

What is up with me? What's my deal? Why can't I enjoy the goodness of healthy food, and chill out on the forever-on-the-hips snackies? Because, trust me, I appreciate the yummies of healthy foods. The only bright spot in my diet these past few weeks has been my new-found love of the wrap. Whole wheat wraps, seasoned hummus spreads, lean deli meats, lots of veggies - like carrots, cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes, avocados - topped with sunflower seeds and/or wheat germ. Incredibly good for you and yummy. And then I stuff my face on fat and sugar.

So this is my challenge right now. All the workouts in the world can't counter the high-calories I've been consuming. Will keep you all updated on this latest turn of events!

So, whaddya waitin' for?

So I am officially back in the game, and it's kicking my ass. But let's be clear....I Feel Great!

Last week, I had a mini-mental-breakdown. I am a co-founder of FitMommas of St. Peters. I started this FitMommas blog. I have helped others overcome their obstacles and given them support on their journey to be fit & healthy on a daily basis.

And yet...I have struggled.

Confession Time: I have not worked out on a daily basis since before Piglet was conceived - and he's now 8 months old! Yes, I agree that some movement is better than no movement - I do lots of housework, gardening (for reasons that elude me, I kill everything!), laundry up and down the basement stairs, dancing with the kids, etc. But no doubt, if I want to get back to my fightin' weight, I need to do true cardio, strength training and stretching to get there.

So last week, it all hit me, and I decided to swallow my pride and confide in a couple FitMomma friends. It was hard. Repeat - This Was Hard! Admitting, to yourself and to others, that you're failing at something is hard to do. And when you're supposed to be a somewhat expert at that something, it's even harder to admit. First step is always the hardest, and my first step was enlisting outside help. If I couldn't be accountable to myself, I was going to have to make myself be accountable to others. And not just one person, I chose THREE people, all of whom are regular FitMommas, and I could count on each of them to be there for me.

That was just the first step, the next step was actually getting out! We leave on vacation tomorrow, and then we have a playdate at our house that week after, and the next thing I knew, I was putting off starting for another three weeks. And one of my Confidants said, "So what are you waiting for?" Wow, did that strike a nerve. What the hell was I waiting for? For everything to be perfect? For all the stars to be aligned? It's a variation on the Nike "Just Do It" slogan, but without a doubt FitMomma Melissa B's mantra "So whaddya waitin' for?" is my new mantra.

So how am I doing? Well, I have attended Stroller Aerobics Monday and Wednesday of this week. And it sucked! Wow, am I out of shape! As much pride as I had to swallow to call my three Confidants, the pride I am swallowing while working out amongst the FitMommas is even greater! I'm huffing and puffing. I can't do all the reps. I'm walking when everyone is still running. I'm coming in last.

But I am doing it! And I'm going to get up and do it again tomorrow! And I'll take my week's vacation, and I may workout, I may not, but sure as the giggle in my thighs, I will be back working out with the FitMommas when I get back.

Even better? Every single FitMomma has welcomed me back with open arms. No snide comments about "Where ya been?" Just "So glad you're back!" (Uh-oh, my eyes are filling up with tears!) I love these women, they are amazing. I'll talk more later about having support, but right now, let me state for the record that this group of FitMommas that has come together is with me through thick & thin, laughter & tears, muscles & flab. I could not ask for a better group of friends.

So, I ask you....Whaddya waitin' for?

Where do FitBabies come from?

First off, let's just get it out there that I'm STILL struggling. Very much, every single day. While I continue to drop a pound or two, I have not been this chubby-wubby since the summer after my first son was born. I only have about 12 pounds to go, but I am all flab. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

I do get lots of movement from gardening and cleaning, but my second son is now seven months old, so at this point, it's time for me to get my groove back. Seven months is when I hit the "I don't want to be fat anymore!" wall with my first son, a few of my Playgroup mommas got together and started walking the mall three days a week - hence the start of FitMommas of St. Peters. Granted, two is totally different than one, Piglet has a different nap schedule than Lil' Boo had - actually, Lil' Boo was just a bit more pliable! LOL! Piglet likes his routine.

However, while I struggle with getting back into my FitMomma glory, I am embracing Fitness where I can. So let's turn to my babies! Where to FitBabies come from? Why, FitMommas, of course. To help get my kiddos off to a good eating start, I make my own baby food. Let's be clear, I always have a stash of store-bought food, because life with two kids is crazy. But making your own baby food is not only easy, it's super-duper cheap, AND you can tailor your babies diet to his or her exact needs. This morning, I made some apples and pears - and then some Pear-Applesauce. No added sugars, no preservatives. Just peel & slice; steam (my preferred choice is in the microwave, puree with water, and you have tons of healthy food for baby.

And storage is easy-peasy, too. One reason I like to buy store-bought food is for the containers - I keep them, and them fill them up with my homemade goodies. Another great trick is to fill ice cube trays with your concoctions, freeze, and then you have ready-to-go, single servings of goodies at your disposal. And, if you're thinking that apples and pears can get old, check out my favorite site for making your own baby food - Wholesome Baby Food. It is The go-to site for all things healthy for baby.

Once you get a feel for this site, you'll realize that what you can make for your baby is limited only by your imagination. So get creative, and let's make some FitBabies!

Chew On This!

Happy Monday, everyone!  Hope you've had a few good weeks, been crazy as usual around here.

Let's get honest, I have not worked out.  The only movement I've been getting are my fake-out workouts, but right now....that seems to be all I got.  It seem that the crankiness that is my 6 month old can be attributed to a series of ear infections.  That does actually make me feel incredibly happy, because now I know there is a source to the nighttime wake-ups, difficulty to get to sleep, cranky playtimes.  Certainly better than the knowledge that your kid is just a first class crabass!

Given all that, sleep has been a bit on the low side lately, and my eating habits are in the toilet.  Carb central, little fruits or veggies, and these past two weeks we had my stepdaughter staying with us the whole time - Sugar Monster!  But one good health thing that came out of her visit was the reinstitution of...gum.

Yes, Gum!

I had forgotten how glorious gum can be to cut out a nasty sweet tooth or chocolate craving.  In fact, gum should be your new best friend, I don't care how much you love your Bunco group. Every time the urge to binge hits, wait as long as you can, and if it's still there...pop in a stick o' gum!  Personally, I'm Big Red or Juicy Fruit kind of gal, which isn't the best for the teeth, but this is not a discussion on dental hygiene just yet!  Trident or Extra would be a GREAT choice, tons of flavors to choose from.  Gum does have calories, but not near the extent of an entire chocolate bar, bag of chips or pint of ice cream.  It's all about checks and balances here, ladies!

So my dear Izzy B has headed back to her mom's for a few weeks, and I can try to get my "good food" brain working again, but in the meantime, I am strategically placing packs of gum in the house and car!

And here's to a great week to everyone!

Made-Up Workout #63

So us busy moms really need to find movement wherever we can get it.  Make no mistake, the best way to maintain physical and mental health is regular high-intensity cardio and strength training.  But any FitMomma, especially those with infants in the house, knows that's not always easy to get during the day - especially when certain Piglets start fussing at 5am in the morning, and continue off and on until awake for good at 7am.  Bring on the coffee!

But I digress....So a friend reminded me today of yet another pseudo-workout in our midst!  Grocery shopping!  Have you ever taken two kids to a grocery store and not felt like you were training for a marathon?  So put a little more effort into it, and by all means log this as workout time.  

Tips for making a trip to the store into more:

• Go armed with a well organized shopping list - you are multi-tasking!
  
• Don't stroll the aisles, move it!  Just beware of the other zombie moms and avoid running over small children.  
  
• See that bar in front of you, otherwise known as the cart handle?  Use it!  Calf raises, squats, lunges - all done easily with the support of the cart.  Fine with me if you opt to do this down that aisle with the random household items that no one ever visits.
  
• Make hard to reach items count - lunge, stretch, tighten the abs and buns as you reach for the Dijon on the top shelf, or heave a pallet of water from the bottom shelf.  Just use your legs and keep the abs tight to avoid back injury.
  
• Take advantage of bagging it yourself.  Don't rely on the zitty teen to do all the work; bag your own stuff, load your own cart and take your own groceries out to the MomMobile.  
  
• Take the kids - right there, you've added wrestling, marathoning, and strength training to the mix.  Not to mention building your endurance because your shopping trip just became twice as long.
  
• OR - leave the kids at home, and go all-out-freak exercise in the store.  Speed walk, full-on lunges and squats, plus you can slip on your iPod for musical inspiration.  Not to mention it'll take half the time!

The Plague...Not so much Swine Flu

Ugh, apologies for the absenteeism.  The Plague has descended upon our house.  Translation: Spring colds, mixed with severe hayfever, suck!  

All four of us are sick in the house.  Only the dog has been spared.  Hacking cough, throbbing stuffy/runny head.  Good Times.  I have managed to get in a few squats here and there, but not sure it's counting for much.  

Know what the kicker is?  I managed to stay healthy All Winter long!  I should give a Shout Out to the makers of Zicam for that minor miracle!  I swear by it, but this time, I just thought it was the allergies kicking my butt, and by the time I realized it was something more, it was too late.  And too late for the family, too - poor babies!

Anyway, I'm working on a new routine/schedule.  I've decided to cancel my gym membership, because it's not getting used, Ryan's nap schedule really keeps me from being able to use it, and I've lost the weight TWICE without one, so I know I can do it again!  I just need to find a regular yoga thing to keep me going.  Thoughts?

The Angry Side of Postpartum Depression

Postpartum Depression.  Ok, so what's going through your head?  

A mom in her raggedy pajamas, hair's a mess, weepy, puffy eyes, can't get off the couch.  Pretty close?  That's what I always thought, too.

But let me give you another picture.  Happy mom.  Gettin' stuff done.  Then baby starts crying.  Toddler throws a fit.  The phone rings.  The dog needs out.  Hubby home in a few minutes.  Dinner's not started.  Doorbell rings.  The tension builds so fast and furious, and your body starts to feel the weight, your shoulders sink, a tingling anxiety flows across you and you Snap.  Scream, out loud, if someone was in your reach, you may very well strangle them.  You pound your fist into the air, wishing you could deck someone, and you hate your children, your husband, your house, the dog, the phone, the doorbell.  All within a few very scary seconds.  Then the guilt sinks in - you're a terrible mother, you can't do this job, you aren't able to handle it, no mother should ever feel this way, you want to run away, head hanging in shame.  Your family deserves better.

That is how I was feeling.

The problem was that I woke up each day, promising myself I would not snap.  Not today, today will be a good day.  I am a mind over matter kind of gal, a "no makes you feel anything you don't want to" proponent.  Be responsible for your feelings and actions, and it's all about the power of positive thinking!  So what the hell was wrong with me!

Turns out I had/have Postpartum Depression, and it is nothing to scoff at.  Two times in the week before my doctor's appointment, I actually felt the urge to hurt my baby.  Out of anger.  (At the time, he had a stomach virus, and it was a worse than usual week.)  I ripped my husband's head off out of nowhere.  I screamed at my 2 1/2 year old.  For being a 2 1/2 year old.

I thought maybe my hormones might be out of whack a bit, but honestly, I thought it was something I could overcome, that I would snap out of it.  And that's what I was thinking when I went to my doctor, for my annual exam, and casually mentioned how I was feeling at the end of the visit.  No one is as surprised as I am to realize what was really going on.  I can guarantee that I would not have called my doctor because I didn't think anything was medically wrong with me.

I have opted to go on Lexapro, an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication.  This is serious stuff.  My doctor also advocated lots of exercise, nutritious diet, and getting out for some sunshine.  I have follow up visit with her to make sure that I am doing OK, and hopefully this will be a three month or so treatment.

At first, this wasn't something I was sure I should share...with the entire world!  But the more I research, the more I confide in friends and family and playgroup members, the more I realize that this is not discussed.  No one likes to talk about the weepy side of depression, but when PPD is anger and rage, moms are incredibly ashamed to admit those feelings.  Moms are sweet, nurturing, do everything right, know it all, are the angels that watch over tomorrow's leaders.   What kind of mother yells at her kids; has feelings of hurting her loved ones; feels an unnatural rage over everyday occurrences?  From what I've learned in the past month - many moms.  Everyday moms.  Working moms.  Stay home moms.  Funny moms.  Loving moms.

So let's talk about this.  Let's be healthy.  Let's cut ourselves some slack.  Let's acknowledge the incredibly hard job we have as mothers in today's world. And if you are reading this and hear yourself saying "Oh, my, I feel that way, too," then you owe it to yourself to do something about it.  I'm not going to tell you to go on drugs!  BUT...I will tell you to call your doctor.  Call your OB.  Describe how you're feeling.  I don't care if your "baby" is two years old!  Find a friend, a neighbor, an aunt or mom.  Share your feelings.  You are not alone!

Between the medication and talking with good friends and family, I am a new person today.  Life is still stressful, 15 things still hit me at one time.  But I don't feel like I'm going to scream.  A little voice inside tells me I can do this, that I will be OK.  I am calmer.  I am happier.  And I am a better mom for it.  And now that I see the clouds starting to lift, my next goal is not just to add in more movement in my day, but really step up my exercise.  Get those endorphins pumping, get some sunlight, and start to feel better, naturally!